(Bodhi and I pretending to be Internet trolls)
Remember the Bugs Bunny cartoon where the tough bulldog jumps on Bugs, chanting, “DOG PILE ON THE RABBIT, DOG PILE ON THE RABBIT”?
Bugs escapes, of course. But OH MAN does it feel good to gang up on someone…just as long as that someone isn’t us. I’m part of something! And you’re NOT! Says our fragile wittle baby egos.
The cartoon reflects our true human grossness in the age of the Internet: the high-pitched whistle of collective outcry blows, and we run to our computers like salivating hounds to add ourselves to the dog-pile.
Few people would enjoy being the victim of such rabid bullying. But I watched with a keen eye yesterday as musicians, singers, and industry people joined the line of regular folks to throw snowballs, hammers, and word vomit at Fergie.
My musical educators expected me (correctly) to make every performance of each song “my own”. The kids who copied other famous artists or copied the Broadway recordings were the worst kind of wannabees. If you wanted to stand out, you had to bring yourself to the performance.
Which raises the question, who did these people think they were watching?
Fergie’s biggest crime seems to be “being herself”.
She is not a concert vocalist. She doesn’t spend her time touring with operas and orchestras, performing live in the romance languages. It’s FERGIE, ya dummies! She records songs about her lovely lady lumps. And I bet she gets a lot more than one take in the studio, plus a sound engineer in post to keep her in tune.
But NOBODY pointed a SINGLE FINGER at the folks who invited her to perform. Zero conversations are taking place about whether it’s appropriate TO INVITE a pop star who sings like a sexualized child to perform the national anthem at an event with families and children on national television.
But it’s Fergie’s fault, you say?
I take issue with that. And I take issue with every singer and musician in my feed adding to the dog pile to express their outrage without ANY MENTION of the good bits.
What good bits? you’re hollering. Oh, I can hear you right now!
Look, I agree with you halfway at least: yes, it was inappropriate. No, it wasn’t “good singing.”
Here’s what Fergie did right: She crafted a song. She took the piece she was asked to perform, and she worked up a style, rehearsed a chart with musicians, showed up on time, and she performed the damn thing. Drunk, maybe. But not a soul can argue that she held back—that girl GAVE of herself.
And she gave what she had to give.
You KNOW she is a recording artist. You KNOW she has technology in the studio, and she’s not going to sound her strongest on a live mic. And you KNOW she talks and sings like that bitch Krystal on The Bachelor, the one we were SO HAPPY to see get kicked out because WHO TALKS LIKE THAT? WHO WEAVES WHINEY SEX NOISES INTO EVERYTHING THEY SAY (AND SING)?
Ohhhhh…..pop stars, guys. Pop stars, do.
So to my musician friends who didn’t like Fergie’s performance, I kindly suggest that you suck it. Your time would be better spent with your eyes on your own music. You look as foolish as that pile of dogs does when they realize Bugs is stomping on them, gleefully singing, DOG PILE ON THE RABBIT!