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Gamblin' Like a Panda


(Wheeling and dealing at the office. I rent a community workspace for approximately $2.25 a pop and it comes with coffee. Jealous?)

Slow months. Uncertainty. Last minute, “drive-all-the-way-to-some-studio-and-they-turn-you-away” crap. Slashing is not for the faint of heart!

“Slashing” is slang for managing a portfolio career (click here for more on that). I’m a host-slash-singer-slash-model-slash-actor, in no particular order.

Even on slow days when I’m stuck in a coffee shop sending submissions, I know in the back of my mind that I’m only rolling to the crest of a summit.

And once I peak…I’ll scream all the way down that hill at breakneck speed and take a corkscrew around the corner.

Wheeeeee! I never know definitively what'll happen next week, or next month.

Today, I might relax in a quiet coffee shop, where I’ll update my website, or look into an industry seminar. But next week… it’s speed! Action! Drama!

I’m going on an all expense paid modeling trip to New York City? BLISS. I’m going to sing for over three thousand people against a full orchestra? HEART-STOPPING. Will anyone pay me next week? WHO KNOWS?

So why slash? It seems like such a gamble.

Sometimes I ask myself the same question. I was sipping a latte and writing this post, when an email came through from LA Casting, one of many online resources for same-day jobs. The message said, “Are you available to get to Van Nuys by 1:15 for five hours of audience work?”

I was available, and a day of work is a day of work. So I stopped what I was doing and drove to the valley, only to be told upon arrival, “we have enough people now”.

Wow. Thanks for taking the gas right out of my tank, jerks! And by jerks, I mean Debbie Cohen casting. My next post can be about not burning bridges. Humph.

I type that with a smile, knowing that peaks and valleys are to be expected and embraced. Fortunately, that little tantrum I had in the last paragraph has already been paid back to me, a hundredfold, in fabulous experiences, travel, food, and memories. So how upset could I really be? I can make ten times as much on another day, doing something much more fun and prestigious.

If I compared my line of work to watching a movie, I’d give it four stars and find it totally thrilling. I want to be moved by my day-to-day experiences. Make me exhilarated, dejected, delighted, gloomy, aroused, and mournful. Go ahead and break my heart, and then come back and smooch me. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Debbie.

I don’t want it to work out perfectly all the time. What kind of movie would that be? So boring! Like the episode of The Twilight Zone where the gambler goes to heaven. He wins every hand, every time. He gets all the women, effortlessly, and is given endless money and possessions. His shocking realization at the conclusion? This isn't heaven. This is hell!

We need a little drama. That’s why human beings tend to create it when it’s not even there.

So I slash because it reminds me of how I want to look at my entire life. Be in love with the whole thing. The bad days aren’t really bad days. They’re great days, actually. Days I would long for if I lost my health, or a loved one. I love the ups. I love the downs.

Well…I’m training myself to love the downs.

And there are no guarantees. But we get to work, play, live. We get to be alive! To wake up, breathe in, and keep on throwing darts. Hundreds, every month, in the hope that we hit a few bull’s-eyes.

Hmm. I wonder if Debbie would take me back?

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